How to escape anomie and find stability.

Things in nature work in cycles. The reason something exists is simply to maintain existence till death. In the process of existence things manage to reproduce offspring that are better adapted to the environment in the following life. The process of the individual species is secluded to being, but process of passing itself on for the maintenance of the species is to become a stronger and better adapted species. Things of nature are fleeting in themselves, because the only purpose of them is to exist for the sake of existing, then to die and come back on the form of offspring just for the sake of survival. When looking at the bigger picture the survival of one seems pointless in itself, but what it does for others of its kind in the bigger picture is it makes them better. If we live for the things of nature simply for themselves we live in cycles, but if we can live for something greater with our lives we find something linear, which makes something greater. The reason it’s greater is because we don’t do it for the sake of itself, but to benefit others. It must benefit us in some way first though. If we can’t find satisfaction in becoming a greater person by denying nature more frequently, then we won’t much time in skills we can share. In nature the existence of things are methods of becoming something more because they are there to maintain a greater community. The food, protection, sleeping conditions, and sexual activity exist for sustenance in order to make the lives of everyone better. The vampire bat will share blood with other bats. The chimpanzee will share food with other chimps. The purpose is to maintain a community, and as social creatures this community allows us to become more than we are in ourselves.

When we move from natural control to cultural control it’s because we value something more than a cyclical process. In a civilization we are no longer codependent, but interdependent and the market can take care of our needs and wants. When this happens we no longer see our connection to others as directly. When we gather food from the market it’s to feed ourselves. When we find a home for protection by the law, we sleep for ourselves. When we have sex in modern society we don’t always seek it in those who are part of our community, and now that we have abundant drugs and alcohol we puts these in our bodies only to satisfy ourselves. We can share these things on a greater level, but not till we share cultural control will they become less fleeting in themselves. To share things from nature in themselves with others doesn’t always lead to greater things, because in many cases it doesn’t create a community. Going back to Aristotle the utility friendship is one where we have material things in common at a time. These can be living situations, but they can also be material culture in the form of instruments, art, sculptures, and literature, as well as things that exist in a home. The pleasure friendship in my eyes in purely a communicative friendship, because we wouldn’t share the things of nature with people we couldn’t talk well with. The character friendship is supposed to be where two people want to better each other for the sake of it, but I’d argue that nobody would want to do such a thing for the sake of it. They’d only it if there were pleasure and utility involved first. I’ll call the combination of all these, the complete friendship. Some friendships start with utility and we learn we can communicate well. Other friendships start with good communication and then we decide to share utility. One can always make the other, but it’s not till we have both we want start bettering the person for the sake of it, and they’ll do the same because we’re now codependent on some level.

Notice of all the friendships that none of them are based on nature. Nature in itself is fleeting and the evolutionary argument in some ways is that we have these things, because they helped us survive at one point in time, but they no longer serve a function. The irony of many evolutionists is the bias of some things still having a perfectly useful purpose today while others have no use at all. It’s supposed to be a deductive logic where things fit in the evolutionary model, but they tend to subjectively choose things that are allowed to fit as they desire. One example is that religion may have served a purpose at one time, but just like (too much) food it’s killing us today. After this they’ll turn around say sex is completely natural so we should have lots of it to be healthy as if doing so without being cautious in the way we should eat food shouldn’t also be followed. The things we acquired in nature are still needed. They just aren’t needed as much, and since they aren’t needed as much, it’s the over use of them that makes us stagnant and unproductive, which makes us just humans being. It’s not till we value cultural control over natural control that we can become something better than we are. The thing with nature is it’s cyclical, so to eat now is to be hungry later, to sleep now is to be tired later, to have sex now is to want more sex later, and the drink now is the need to get drunk again later, and the problem with these things in themselves is we must always return back where we started each time. These things don’t makes us better people in themselves. Once we learn to self-bureaucratize and create rituals give us something to do with our days we don’t become bored and cave into our natures. The things with finding cultural control is we always come back where we left off instead of starting over again. When you eat a sandwich you will come back to being just as hungry, but when you try to dance you will be a little better each time. When you sleep you will eventually be as tired again and start back over again, but when you learn to paint or play and instrument you will come back to the skill level where you left off. When we drink it actually causes our bodies distress, but to run a mile is eustress. Both will cause the body stress, but one will make you live worse and the other longer and better. One will cause more problems and the other more enjoyment in the long run. The reason we cave into natural control is depression. When we have no cultural control to invest in we turn to the things we know do have control over because we were given control of these things by nature. If I have no self-bureaucratized hobbies I’ll feel a lack of control in my life and when I can eat something that makes me feel good temporarily I’ll have a feeling of control in my life. If I can’t go about the right way to finding a good relationship with someone I’ll seek to just find sexual gratification in them, because I’m really depressed I can’t find a relationship. Civilization is the cause of loneliness and worry and it’s not till we become resentful enough to self bureaucratize our lives into a sense of cultural control and constant activity that maintains a life that keeps growing that we can have utilities to trade with others for happiness. If we don’t gain knowledge and the ability to communicate well we won’t have people who know can be worth their time, even after our looks fade ,and the truth is looks won’t matter after some time even if we’re beautiful, because we eventually only see someone personality instead of their aesthetics when we’re around them long enough. This is why we developed skills and communication abilities for the long run, and if we find we can share these first, then we can start sharing some of those things from nature later. People who can talk well and share a life together will continue to bond over food, sex, and sleeping amongst one another, but to pursue them in themselves is fleeting.

What civilization creates is the ability to transcend speech through messages rather than verbally and this takes away from an emotional experience. In nature conversation, company, attention, and affection all take place simultaneously. When we invent messages and messengers we can tell people stories without telling them to their face. Some messages take place in the form of laws and others have been in the form of religion. Since we live in larger communities where expressing the norms and laws can’t be said verbally and reinforced automatically, we have laws written so people know as they grow up. Once we move from codependent to interdependent we send people messages about how we feel, but we don’t see their emotional expression. This separates conversation/attention into one category, and company/affection into another. Now we can display attention through conversation in letters, but don’t always get the company and affection we desire in return. This is one of the things that can lead to insanity when one desires more than another, and it’s a way for another to use us for what they want as well. Since nobody really cares about us till we’ve developed a complete friendship the messages become a game for those who choose to play. When civilization makes us insecure we seek to project messages that we think others might approve of to win them over. Since we’re all insecure on some level we’re always trying to escape depression, and when we’re rejected we feel anger. Going back to love and hate being the opposite of apathy, the reason we project love and hate is to get an emotional reaction. We wouldn’t say anything if we didn’t want a reaction or we’d say nothing. We can always expect a reaction among those we’ve developed some kind of friendship, and this kind of attention isn’t cyclical, because we’ve found security in each other, so these conversations always work at making us better. If we are insecure of broken however, we will keep tossing emotions out at random to get a reaction. We will throw out love at those we desire it from and when there’s apathy on the other end we throw hate at them, and this sometimes gets a reaction, but it’s a negative reaction. Regardless we feel temporarily satisfied, but just like nature we throw out love again when, because this person we desire still isn’t what we’d like in our lives. We become depressed when ignored and angry for attention again. Broken people are only good for other broken people, because they want to constantly cycle their emotions at each other in a manner that never makes them better people. The way we get used by this even more is through messages. Now we can write messages showing attention and conversation from one end, and the person on the other end doesn’t need to give us conversation or company in return while feeling validation by our words. It’s not till we become emotionally intelligent that we learn to not chase people who don’t respond in person, and not just respond in person, but respond as frequent as we’d like the way we like. Messages are only good for people we’ve already developed stability with, the same way they are written in laws to maintain a stable community and the community respects the laws because the community is stable. The mistake we make most is we tend to tell ourselves a different story than the one we originally walked through life with when it comes in conflict with another story. For example if my personal story is to meet someone who wants to spend every day with me, and I meet someone else who seems to communicate well with me that says they only want a couple days a week with me, I’ll tend to change my story to fit theirs, which gives them more power in the situation, because it’s the person who cares the least in a situation we embrace that always has the most power, because they have the most apathy. Once we bend our track to fit another track so the stories can make sense we become unstable in ourselves. This eventually will lead to what Emile Durkheim would call a state of anomie (state of normlessness). When we change what the norm is for our most emotional comfort to suit someone else that hasn’t established empathy through reciprocity first, it will eventually lead to a tremor. Once we receive a tremor in a relation with someone we haven’t already established good communication and utility between or that is fading, the tremor is a sign that an earthquake is inevitable. In other words, once someone shows they can’t be the original story we wanted it’s already over and it’s only a matter of time till the earthquake hits. In many cases we prolong the earthquake and our suffering, because we aren’t emotionally intelligent enough to just put ourselves where it feels good once things feel bad and we try to rationalize how to keep this person in our lives that makes us unhappy in this state of anomie. The only way to do this is to be blunt and demand they see you as often as you like as much as you like or there is no reason to continue speaking. If they choose not to then we’re automatically in a better place even if it doesn’t feel like it right away, because the tremor wouldn’t have eventually caught up to us. Unlike Buddhism that says to give up desire. I believe desire is healthy and not just desire but desire for things that can keep getting better each time we return. A person who comes in our life that isn’t better each time we come back isn’t someone that helps us become better people. These people are broken and if anything is to work out it wouldn’t be for several years when they have possibly changed in the future. Our anger used to express emotion and our rejection that creates depression is only for broken people to subsist on with each other, while those of us who put our feet down where we know it feels good will keep finding personal progress. This is why we should care about our home and the people who live there the most, and the people who we interact with through the home. Those who prove they can share the conversation or utility and desire the other as well are the only people who will give us the emotional comfort we desire. Those who show us apathy when we are distressed should be ignored back and left to be broken with the other broken people that don’t aid our progression.