Mentally but not physically the opposite.

In the past I have said that we are naturally utilitarian, because it is animal instinct to run from pain and towards pleasure. To take this idea to the next level I want to address a deeper question, which is if this true then why is it that some people stay in situations that are painful instead of acting the opposite of pain? The answer I came up with is that they actually do act in the opposite manner, but the difference is mentally compared to physically. All other animals do not rationalize a painful situation as we do and physically react to pain, where in many cases we mentally rationalize the opposite of what hurts to give ourselves hope. It is a natural instinct for us to do the opposite of what hurts us, but in some situations we may believe there is greater pleasure around the corner than the one we are currently in, which is why we surrender happiness to others in the current situation. One example of this could be a spouse who is being beaten by their husband. Why would they remain in this situation instead of doing the opposite?

The first part of the equation seems to be that the spouse believes that the concept of a relationship is happiness in essence, and should be maintained no matter what because of the long-term rewards of this happiness. In this case happiness is a concept or a label that should be maintained in order to be accepted by others. This other could be the husband they want to love them, because being loved is better than being alone even if beaten, or accepted by family who disrespect leaving a man regardless of the situation. If the spouse loses the label of girlfriend of wife others she cares about will shame her for not living up to the label. Sometimes the label will not be noticed by others this person cares about (like family we no longer stay in touch with), but the morals of embedding this label as a priority that they look at themselves with or that god can look at them with will bring shame of some sort too. If this is the case then the label or concept is what is bought into as pleasure, and what the husband is doing to them is pain, so they place themselves in a world in their minds where they run towards the pleasure of the concept they embrace in their minds and away from the physical trauma of their current situation.

The second part of the equation is not an idea but an action, and this action is done through deception as well. The belief may be that husband will eventually stop beating them and start acting in a manner that they desire. The deception can either be partly played out by the husband who seems loving in some cases and creates a hope of more of the same actions in the future, the spouse convincing themselves through deception of a hope they created in their own minds that things will change based on some good actions by the husband in the past that will return, or a combination of both. The spouse who creates this illusion in their own mind of course would not do so if it were not for prior experiences that convinced them that this could be so, which would only exist if people from their past or current environments were able to persuade them of such. In other words, this is purely based on the physicality’s that exist in the environment that alter behavior to believe there are future benefit to come and not just a mental label.

The combination of concepts created by the mind and its interaction with the environment is what shapes our perceptions of pleasures and pains. The reason people do not change physical habits in their everyday life is because they create alternate environments in their minds they run toward and away from. This means we are still naturally utilitarian, but part of our nature seems to be that in order to survive in some harsh environments we have to invent happiness in a made up environment. Since we are limited to the resources our environment gives us for survival our mind seeks to find new resources or create technologies, but when those resources and technologies are not to be found we invent tools in our minds that convince us the situation is other than it really is or will be in the future. Although we naturally do the opposite, the opposite is sometimes invented outside of the world around us and reinvented in our heads so we can keep ourselves in the current situation and live in denial of the pain it causes us. Insanity is performing the same action again and again without getting new results. If happiness is a conscious struggle that keeps creating results, then this pain without achievement is the opposite of happiness. This “happiness” is only a short-term reward that hopes for a different future than what is currently happening.

If we really want happiness then we need to seek physical actions that give us tangible rewards in the now. The only rewards we can trust in the future are the ones we plan on ourselves, by ourselves, and from ourselves. This is not to be confused with things like business where we invest in something for a later reward, but it is similar in that we take risks in hope of payoffs. As long as the dividends from a bond are coming in we are getting a reward. A relationship that keeps paying us dividends is a good one, but if it ever stopped we may live in denial that it may start again. Anyone who is standing in the way of what we physically desire in the now should be cut off like a diseased body part or cancer. We cannot trust others in the current to change their actions in the future. We can only trust ourselves to continue what makes us feel good each day we live. As long as someone is giving us more pleasure in the present than pain we want to keep him or her around. It is not till the moment of betrayal that we change our actions. This will give us the reflexes that will create tangible rewards in our everyday lives. Are you doing the thing I want you to do now in my life?